Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Yo! Gurt Me Somethin' Else To Eat

These Fage yogurts with fruit
have corn starch in them. I DON'T WANT

           What is up with this country’s obsession with Greek style yogurt? For someone who
doesn’t like Greek style yogurt and prefers European style yogurt, it is absolutely infuriating. And by that someone, I am referring to myself. I don’t get it. It’s as thick as I imagine denture paste to be. You could probably stick a pencil in it and it would stick straight up for incalculable amounts of time. It is not smooth and creamy, and does not come in the multitude of flavors that I desire. And it does not come in the right size or shape container. It comes in a short fat container, like I imagine you will become if you continue to only eat Greek style yogurt.
            Yes, I am angry. No, I do not want to eat that Dannon or Yoplait shit. What I want is a
someone had quite the good haul of
Migros brand yogurt (that would be Swiss
grocery store brand). there's some raspberry,
apple pear, peach melba, vanilla rhubarb, and
red currant.
large selection of delicious flavors of European style yogurts like I would find in a Swiss grocery store. Is that too much to ask? I restrain myself from approaching the status of “world’s most annoying fan of Switzerland” by not regularly sharing how greatly superior die Schweiz is to die Vereinigten Staaten, but really, have you been there? Have you ever viewed their yogurt sections? They have mocha and coffee flavored yogurts in those nice semi liquid cream states in a NORMAL sized portion. They have blood orange yogurt. They have grapefruit yogurt. THEY HAVE KIWI YOGURT. Sometimes, their yogurt even comes with a spoon attached to the package. And usually, every piece of the package can be recycled. Sadly, I do not live in my desired locale. And I am stuck going to Whole Paycheck, where I have a small selection of boring flavors. But all the rest of you – you freaky people with your FREAKY GREEK YOGURT- you just CARRY ON. Go ahead and eat your weird, thick paste-like amorphous goop. FINE!

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