Friday, March 1, 2013

It's Fashion Friday!: Ready, Aim, FEUER - HOSE!

           I’m no great friend to breakable things. Your breakable things are perfectly safe with me. My own breakable things – untimely death and torture is their certain fate. Perhaps you’ve known me long enough to witness me kicking desktop computers. To clarify, kicking a PC can be a great quick fix. Quite often, the boards inside the damned things will work their way loose, wreaking unexplainable havoc on your system. And if you don’t have time to take your computer apart and go searching for the problem, a swift kick might give you a few added hours to days of function. (BUY A MAC!) Or maybe you once saw me repeatedly smack a dying cell phone against a concrete wall after a frustrating conversation with cutting out conversation. (That doesn’t have a valuable purpose and will most likely cause further damage to the phone, but it IS extremely satisfying).
With a 15" Bag, you can fit a 13" laptop IN A SLEEVE,
for additional padding (remember - ARMOR).
            More often than not, my belongings suffer accidental damage. My most recent phone shot like a cannon out of my hand onto a concrete sidewalk and shattered in such a way that I had to hold it together with packing tape. Over the summer, I attempted to do some pushups at the gym with my foot propped firmly on the lens of my Ray Bans (please note, lens not built to withstand weight of right side of adult body). The point of this monologue is to imbue your mind with the idea that my electronics need ARMOR.
Oh HELL no. This puts the OWWWWW in dowdy.
(And, it's $266)
            I have an IPhone now, thanks to a dear friend who got a fancier IPhone for a Christmas present. It has a nice orange plastic case on the back, but I was thinking that perhaps I should get it some additional padding. I remembered that the brilliant guys who made my laptop bag also make phone sleeves. And, as much as I want to be the coolest kid on the block sporting my Feuerwear gear from Deutschland, I thought I should do the supportive thing and tell you about this company, since I love my “Scott” Messenger bag almost as much as my MacBook. 
            If you’ve ever shopped for a laptop bag, you know that the pickings are slim. Your choices are overpriced bags with fashion label designer names on them that won’t protect your computer, bags that might protect your computer that are dreadfully dowdy (you know – those fake alligator textured, jewel toned, shiny hardware adorned, middle aged tax attorney chic bags), or very business geek backpacks or computer briefcase type deals. I didn’t want any of those things. What I really wanted was something that would match my new light blue and pink floral raincoat. YES that was the MOST important quality I was seeking in a laptop bag.
This $118 Marc Jacobs "Pretty Nylon - Computer
Commuter" Bag will protect your computer
from what exactly? My Little Pony?!
            I jest. At the time, I needed the transportation armor for my laptop I was doing contract research and was walking a mile and back to a coffee shop to do my work, sometimes in the rain. I wanted something that would not screw up my back – so backpack or crossbody. The bag had to be sturdy, not soft, plenty of structure to protect my new friend Wolfie (my computers/Ipods are named for really great horn players: Wolfgang, Roland, and Mason – yes WOW that’s so dorky). Ideally, the bag would also have space for other things in it. I don’t want to haul around six bags full of crap. I’d like to carry my computer along with a notebook or two, keys, wallet, umbrella, and some trash. Bags have to have some extra space for the usual garbage that bags accumulate. FINALLY, I wanted something water resistant. That last one, that was killer. It sort of eliminated everything out there….. except….
            What’s more waterproof than a firehose? Not much.  Enter: Feuerwear. These brilliant Germans are constructing bags out of recycled German firehoses. Not only did your bag once help save a life/building, it’s incredibly utilitarian, and it looks really cool. I have a red one. I’ve travelled with it as a carry on, stuffing it with my laptop and a BUNCH of other crap. I have walked miles with it. I have taken it out in the rain. It is REALLY waterproof. And it even has a strap that I could secure it to my body, were I to try and ride a bicycle while wearing it. It has a hook inside to attach my keys to so they don’t get lost! So, they’re a little pricey, but well worth it in my opinion. And for you plebes out there who only speak one language, do not fear – they have a website in English.
            I think of Feuer and it brings to mind a GREAT movie too. Was tun, wenn’s brennt? Aka What To Do In Case of Fire. It’s about anarchist squatters who lived in Berlin in the 80’s.  In conclusion, Feuerwear makes many great things out of firehoses and I think I may have to get myself a cellphone sleeve. I’ve seen how well my laptop has been protected. I’ve had it almost a year and it’s still in one piece (I should go knock on a forest, with my luck). I may have to wait in hope of scooping up one of the neon yellow ones though. 

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